pan latin

venue: charanga (2351 mission st. @ 20th)
guest eater: kyla calvert
price: $27, with wine and potatoes. (most plates 9-14 bucks)
verdict: lame food, slow service, schizo decor

well, at least the conversation was good.

kyla was a complete stranger but she turned out to be good company. we met outside the restaurant, walked in, and were promptly seated at a table literally three feet from the entrance. "guess we don't have a choice, huh?" i asked the host, hoping for something better. he faked a smile and disappeared into the kitchen. i saw an empty table off to the side but that apparently was for someone more important. oh well.

we started talking about kyla's job a bit. she works for an international hostel association (i forget the exact name) downtown, doing marketing and listening to the same old war stories/conversation starters from european and australian backpackers. she also lives in the hostel where she works.

wine came first of course. i had the alamos ridge malbec from mendoza, argentina, a 2001 vintage. it was good.
i don't know the first thing about describing wine (full body, light palate, strong finish sound more like sex terms to me) so it's either yes or no with me.
mostly yes.

to start, we got patatas bravas, or fried new potatoes with that tasty cascabel chili and tomato sauce (5.25). these were fine, no complaints.

the service crawls at this place. we did get there when everyone seemed to be ordering at the same time, but the wait was ridiculous AND my food came a good fifteen minutes before kyla's did. i tried being polite for about seven seconds but staring at food without eating it, for me, is an impossibility.

at some point the waitress thought it'd be funny to try to convince us, totally unprompted, that we had a great seating situation. "it's so much hotter back there," she said. "you guys have the best table."
maybe she saw us shivering and felt like she had to say something.

i had the arroz asopao, or risotto with seasonal vegetables and manchego cheese (10.50). my mom's porridge is better. so much better that i missed being sick in the fourth grade, slurping porridge with a dash of soy sauce and some pickled radish on the side. damn, that shit was good.
the risotto was kind of bland and mushy, and the combination of vegetables was nothing memorable. i love manchego but it just didn't taste right here...its traditional kick was replaced by a creamy boring taste. disappointing.

kyla got a chicken kabob dish...don't remember the name. i think it had some asian flair in the sauce, one of those fusion-type jobs. i believe she liked it. meat dishes tend to fare better at these small plate establishments.

we talked about our generation over dinner, kind of a weighty subject, but it beat talking about sports or tom cruise and katie holmes or something else completely forgettable. we're twixters, i guess, or people in their twenties who have no fucking clue what to do with themselves. this city is full of them.

i've been having this conversation a lot lately.

eating in public

venue: the public (1489 folsom st @ 11th)
guest eaters: lillie, vu, jesse, annette
price: $14 for my polenta. (entrees $14 - $17, starters $6-$9)
verdict: suitable for vegetarians but don't expect variety. meateaters, no prob.

valentine's day 2005.
i made it a point not to post dates on this thing but it's kind of a funny story.

i'm not much of a romancer and definitely not a planner. i asked a friend last night at 1 a.m. if she wanted to go to dinner for v-day. there was a long pause. i still can't believe she said okay.
around 3:00 this afternoon i realized i should make reservations and frantically called every place i could think of. it took me 12 tries. finally, a restaurant called the public--a chic, pseudo-industrial eatery in soma--had a spot open at 9.

then my roommate wanted to go. he asked my date's friend, then told me they were coming. i don't mind double dates (being the fricking atrocious conversationalist that i am) so i called the restaurant and put us in at 9:30 for 4.

around 6:00, as i was about to leave work, my roommate called. his date had a girlfriend staying over at her house so she would have to come to dinner as well. i was promptly told to "find another guy."

so i asked my buddy jesse. well, i sorta begged.
he had work to do, but he finally agreed because jesse is a rockstar, good sport, stand-up dude. you're the shit, jesse.
i sheepishly called the restaurant again and somehow expanded our table to fit 6.

so we meet at my place, three dudes, then drive to the restaurant. the public is in an industrial part of soma and looks like a cross between a warehouse and a brewery from the outside. inside, there's a bar and lounge space. the restaurant tables are upstairs. very romantic with mini candles from costco and fake rose petals strewn all over the place. felt like fucking prom.

the girls show up at 9:55. the kitchen closes at 10.
there's only two of them: lillie (my date) and annette (my roommate's date).
apparently the other girl "got sick."
i apologized endlessly to jesse, who'd unwittingly become the fifth wheel on valentine's day.

lord.

appetizers: scallops that i didn't eat but heard were amazing. plus these green stringy things that i can't remember the name of. they were good though.
entrees: i got the crispy polenta with butternut squash. the only vegetarian option.

the polenta was delicious. it came as two sanddollar-sized discs, crunchy on the outside, mealy on the inside.
i'm a big fan of the cornmeal-based dish, but i've never had any crispy versions. the butternut squash bed was a nice complement, a little too mushy (once again, i like solid texture), but thankfully not too sweet..

overall, i think the food is great for the price...which isn't a steal, but definitely good at 14 to 17 bucks.
romantic for the contemporary urban soul. hip. a little yuppie-ish.

as for conversation, my date and i both had foot-in-the-mouth syndrome. we talked about bladder infections, cats, and lactose intolerance.

maybe i should take a class...

dinner on nob hill

nob hill cafe (1152 taylor @ clay)
guest eater: jesse kipp
bill: $10.50 for my pasta, most dishes 10-16 bucks.
verdict: simple but excellent food for very reasonable prices.

i am in detox mode after a week in new york city (the 4 a.m. last call killed me) so i didn't order any drinks, though having decent italian food without wine is like a mortal sin or something. i rarely turn down a good sangiovese so this was kind of a big deal.

anyway, a co-worker recommended that i check out this place and i have to say i was very pleased. the restaurant's strength lies in its simplicity--minimal but classy decor, relaxed staff, and no-nonsense eats make this place perfect for nights when you just want good food, not an event.

i opted for the Fedelini alla Cecca, or angel hair pasta with tomatoes, basil & garlic. Most of the dishes on the menu only have about two or three ingredients each. it takes fresh ingredients and skilled, well-timed cooking to make such simple dishes taste great. i could clearly taste each ingredient in my pasta (i've got a pretty uncomplicated palate) but they blended and balanced each other perfectly. a tomatoes, basil, and garlic combination is about as basic as most pasta sauces get...but i sure as hell couldn't do it that well.

jesse got the calzone. they've only got one kind, but it's a classic: feta, spinach, mozzarella, onions, garlic. mmm.
i managed to steal a bite. a little doughy but the spinach-feta combination is a mediterranean all-star.

definitely check this place out if you're in the area...great place for couples too. jesse and i almost kissed, but his facial hair got in the way.

all thai'ed up

bangkok best (301 kearny @ bush)
guest eater: deb chien
today's bill: $9 per person; most dishes about 6-7 bucks. the lunch plates come with rice, which is convenient because a lot of thai places make rice optional for an extra buck or two. what the hell is up with that anyway? it's like charging more for the bread on a sandwich. or the cardboard tube in a roll of toilet paper.
criminals.
verdict: respectable, but nothing to get excited about

deb had to go to jury duty (ha!) so we wanted to go to a relatively quick place. thai restaurants, even the higher-end ones, all seem to have a ridiculously prompt turnaround time. it's kind of alarming actually. we got our food in less than 10 minutes...AND the place was packed.

we opted for the curry plates, which come with rice, a salad (lettuce, a tomato wedge, and a few onions) with peanut sauce, and what i thought were white corn tortilla chips. they turned out to be fried wonton skins.

deb got: spicy eggplant curry w/ tofu (6.95)
i got: gang keaw (green curry) w/ tofu (6.95)

i had to send the gang keaw back because it came with chicken the first time. so i stole some of deb's eggplant while i waited for the second effort.
they cut the eggplant into big pieces, which weren't as tender as they could have been. but, in my opinion, it's better to slightly undercook eggplant rather than let it turn into a buttery, tasteless mess. i like to know what i'm eating, so memorable texture is key.
the sauce was supposed to be spicy (as is almost all thai food) but the restaurant is in the heart of downtown, and the financial district tends to tame "ethnic" restaurants a bit. kearny street is packed with cuisine from around the world, but everything has a vaguely similar taste. maybe they all pass around the same batch of oil or something...

the gang keaw (second round dish w/ tofu) had a great sauce made with coconut milk. deb kept dunking forkfuls of her rice in it, leaving lonely grains floating around like jettisoned cargo. i stuck my thumb in her eggplant when she wasn't looking to get even.
the tofu had a pretty standard texture for deep-fried tofu: chewy (not too rubbery), soft inside, with an eggy skin.

the only really negative comment i have to report is the oiliness. both dishes had way too much oil for being vegetarian dishes. oily meat dishes are understandable, as good cuts of meat usually have a lot of fat hanging on 'em.
but in vegetable curry? unforgivable.

as for conversation...there's not a whole lot to comment on. deb and i used to sit next to each other at work and i'd have to hear about what designer bag she was buying on ebay, or who was mean to her at work, or how she had to fart and whatnot. so we're totally comfortable sitting in silence or just bagging on each other. she got ripped off on ebay recently so she was pretty pissed about that. kind of ironic since we both work for ebay's ad agency, which is pushing the whole "people are good" campaign.
people suck.

but there's always thai food.

harnessing the power of soy

guest eater tim and a plate of 'beef'
Originally uploaded by verbalessence.

last night i reviewed the first restaurant in the food for naught series.
it was a historical evening.
mark it down on your calendars.

the venue: golden era vegetarian restaurant (572 o'farrell @ leavenworth)
the bill (for one diner): $16, but that's because we had the expensive plates and a pricey appetizer. many entrees are a paltry 6 or 7 bucks.
the verdict: tasty, but aside from the novelty factor, nothing amazing.
guest eater: timothy plain (and yes, that really is his last name. no, he is not boring. well, sometimes...)

tim had already eaten there once and said he didn't think it was that special. "for a vegetarian place, it doesn't have a whole lot of vegetables," he argued. but i'm a fan of the whole fake flesh thing, and meat that isn't really meat is golden era's claim to fame. i don't know that for sure, but that's what i'm assuming because it was damn good.

the restaurant is tucked away in the heart of the tenderloin. we walked through a gauntlet of indian and pakistani eateries (food critics have appropriately christened this strip the "tandoor-loin") before stumbling upon the golden era. it's a surprisingly spacey basement restaurant with a nice-but-not-too-nice atmosphere. kinda church-like with its ornate wooden girders and statues but also very brightly lit. it's rooted very much in asian buddhist sensibilities, so the mostly white clientele kinda threw us off. guests included: a mid-50's woman with long white hair, a fleece vest, some politcial book, and "activist" written all over her; a group of hip kids who looked like academy of art students; ralph nader (just kidding, but he's probably eaten here); an indie asian chick with her dorky, white, emo boyfriend.
very much a san franciscan spot.

anyway, tim and i were there to discuss a short film project, one we were totally excited about starting but didn't have a single clue as to what it would be about. so i ordered quickly:

fried "drumsticks" (5.95) for an appetizer. tonight's special (wednesday) so they're not on the regular menu.
sauteed garlic "beef" (9.50)
spicy gourmet "chicken" (9.50)
brown rice

the drumsticks were my favorite portion of the meal. The plate came with four racquetball-sized chunks of soy on wooden sticks. i'm sure i made that sound incredibly appetizing.
seriously though, they were pretty fabulous. tim and i both thought the bamboo sticks-for-bones gimmick was clever. "it's an illusion," assured our waitress, when i commented on them.
the texture was chewy yet tender, not as juicy as dark chicken meat, but soft enough to be like breast meat that's been slow-roasted a long time. okay, so it's been years since i've had chicken, but from what i remember anyway...
excellent flavor, made complete with a tangy dipping sauce.

the beef was a bit disappointing but still good. tim's eloquent verdict: "they're these little, like, gluten puffball poofy things."

tim also pointed out that they were too small and thus couldn't develop the solid texture that we liked so much about the fake chicken.
"sauteed" is a total misnomer. the "beef" is fried, with a golden crispy outer layer. the blanket of greens and tomatoes underneath the "meat" had this weird vinegar-ey spritz, which i thought enhanced the "beef" a little. (they use a lot of quotation marks in vegetarian restaurants. i wonder if some people air-quote when they order...)
unfortunately, i couldn't taste the garlic. but i honestly never taste garlic at restaurants anymore because i eat ridiculous amounts of it at home. i LOVE garlic. i would MARRY garlic. i eat it raw just before i go on dates.
women swoon when i speak.

our spicy chicken was a lot better. i've been a vegetarian for a while so i had my caveman moment eating this dish and the fake drumsticks. even sprouted a new chest hair (MY THIRD!). the chicken chunks were a lot bigger than the miniscule beef bits, boasting a tougher texture and a just-noticeable spicy kick.
this dish, too, was fried though. i was expecting at least one of the dishes to come swimming in a nice sauce, but whatever...the broccoli surrounding the chicken pieces provided healthy breaks from the grease.

soy is fricking awesome.
overall, we had a very enjoyable meal and cleaned every plate.

oh, and tim and i now have this great idea for a movie.
find out about it at my next meal...shoot me an email!

the food for naught manifesto (part 1)

1. all establishments written about in this blog will be cheap.

'cheap,' not in the pejorative sense (as in "this coffee tastes cheap" or "wow, you're a cheap date, let's go have mediocre sex on my mom's sofa"). but 'cheap' meaning one person can eat a full meal, with a drink, and spend less than $30.
the writer realizes that $30 is enough to feed a family for a week in some countries. but he'd also like to contend that in San Francisco, a $30 meal is considered a "bang for the buck" (according to the s.f. zagat guide). he's not a college student anymore, so 30 bucks won't break the bank. he also promises to stop referring to himself in the third person.

2. the writing in this blog will be of poor quality.

this blog is for fun. not for work.
i write enough crap that has to be articulate and well-structured and use good grammar and be free of words like "sucky" or "titty-twister" and not use lots of "ands" or run-on sentences.
or blatant form-meets-content gimmicks.
no, ladies and gents, these are just blah blah blahs, pure, plain, simple, redundant.

3. i will try to avoid eating alone.

i'm sick of eating alone.
damnit, i can hold a conversation for a good 15 seconds or so...i should be able to take people with me to my meals.
guest eaters will be featured in each blog. and embarrassed appropriately.

4. the dishes reviewed will be vegetarian.

i am a vegetarian. no, this does not mean i eat poultry and seafood or sausages on weekends. some folks have a pretty skewed perception of what vegetarianism entails. i do, however, eat eggs and dairy products. i am what is commonly called a lacto-ovo vegetarian.

you don't have to be one though. i'm not all snooty or preachy about it. carnivorous guest eaters are welcome.
and i'm aware "guest eaters" sounds a lot like i'm saying "eaters of guests." that's why there's no hyphen between "guest" and "eater." if this still bothers you, please consult article 2 of the manifesto.

5. posts on this blog will occasionally have nothing to do with eating food.

sometimes i just need an outlet to talk trash.
you do too. that's why there's a comments section.